Pac-Man – The Truth

 

Wak-Attack – I am become Pac-Man, Destroyer of Worlds

Guest Essay courtesy of SweetMrGibs

Image – original: NASA/JPL/Goddard/SWRI/SSI

I know Pac-Man. You know Pac-Man. Hell, we all know Pac-Man. He’s been a part of our culture since the early Eighties. But do any of us really know Pac-Man? Just because we control him doesn’t mean he’s a hero. You see I’ve been studying his behaviour for a while now, and I’ve come to a pretty horrific conclusion. Pac-Man is evil.

Think about it. What would you do if, from out of nowhere, some giant yellow ball appeared on your property and started gobbling Little Johnny’s hormone supplements? The ghosts, who represent the oppressed in our society, unseen, unnoticed, jammed into their tiny virtual hut, have no option but to defend themselves. You might think they’re attacking for no reason, but Pac-Man is displaying classic passive-aggressive behaviour at its very worst. And what happens if they dare to attack Pac-Man? Why, he chugs down a mega-steroid and proceeds to try and eat them! And you, dear reader, are enabling this behaviour.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t stop there. No, this goes much, much deeper. Did you know that Wakawaka is an extinct language of Queensland in Australia? Do you understand what this means? Pac-Man is responsible for the annihilation of a complete tribe of Aborigine, his “Wakawaka” ramblings recounting his previous murderous rampage in the Outback. And it didn’t start there…

The Olmec were one of the first Mesoamerican (Maze-american?) societies, inhabiting the Southern Mexico lowlands. The first signs of the Olmec are around 1400 BC in the city of San Lorenzo. The Olmec were considered to be excellent builders with excavations revealing the remains of advanced ceremonial courts, houses, cone-shaped pyramids and giant mazes.

So, where did they go? Around 400 BC the eastern half of the Olmec’s lands was completely depopulated. It’s been proposed that this was due to possible to environmental changes. Another theory is that were forced to relocate after volcanic activity. Others suggest that the Olmec lands were invaded, but no one seems to know whom the invaders might have been.

I do.

Take a look at the picture below. What, or rather who, does it look like?

Image – http://www.toptenz.net

Yes, that’s right, it’s our friend Pac-Man. Not entirely convinced yet? Okay, here’s another example…

The Clovis were a race of prehistoric Native American people dating back to around 10,000 BC. Located in the southern and central plains of North America they are archaeologically recognised by chipped flint points known as Clovis points. These points were attached to the end of spears in order to hunt bison and mammoth. Or so the theory goes. Take a look at one of these so-called ‘Clovis points’. The shape… what does it remind you of? That’s right, it’s a petrified ghost. And we all know who’s responsible for the state it finds itself in, right?

Clovis Civilisation Flint - Ghost
Image – http://www.toptenz.net

Earlier in my piece I likened the ghosts to the repressed in our society. Actually, perhaps they’re not. Perhaps the ghosts are the long dead Olmec and Clovis, trapped for eternity in a virtual prison, the evil Pac-Man holding them captive so he can relive his part glories, again and again. So my plea to you, dear reader, is next time you play Pac-Man, let him die. Perhaps if we all do this, we can finally vanquish this destroyer of civilisations before he can do more harm.

Next Week: Q-Bert, swallower of souls.

Related Posts
Links: Retro Resolution Retro Reviews
Links: Retro Resolution Gaming Essays

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